


Dishonor

by PattRose



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Angst, Hate, Implied Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-11
Updated: 2013-09-11
Packaged: 2017-12-26 08:19:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/963698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PattRose/pseuds/PattRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blair wants to come out at the station and Jim doesn’t , with good reason.  </p><p> </p><p>Simon and Rafe don't like gay people in this one, so I'm warning you.  </p><p>This story is from 2003.  Wow!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dishonor

Summary: Blair wants to come out at the station and Jim doesn’t. 

***********************************************************

 

  
Dishonor  
Patt

"You're a fucking emotional vampire...."

“I just know you’re going to explain that to me.” Jim kissed him.

Both men were breathing hard, sweating and trying to get their heartbeats slowed down. Finally Jim lay beside Blair and kissed him gently. 

“Jim, can we talk about something serious?”

“Chief, you can talk about anything with me. Especially if I’m any type of Vampire.”

“See, you’re making fun and not taking me seriously.” Blair said. 

“I’m sorry Chief. I’m ready to listen.”

Blair cuddled in closer and began his little speech. “I want us to come out. If not at the station, could we at least tell our friends? I want to be able to tell things to some of them. I know you don’t think it’s a good idea, but I think it’s a worse idea to keep us a secret. Will you at least think on it?”

“Chief, I understand where you’re coming from. But I know what it’s like to be gay in the police station. I’ve witnessed it, not that I had it happen to me. It doesn’t work. I won’t do it. I won’t let you do it either,” Jim said it so quietly that Blair could barely hear him. 

“That’s it? You’re not going to think about it at all?”

“I’ve thought about it, Chief. And the answer is no.”

Blair got out of their bed and started packing a suitcase.

“So you’re going to leave me now?”

“No. I’m just moving back downstairs. I’ll start dating other people. I can’t sleep in the same bed with a coward. You have dishonored both of us. I’ll continue to be your partner at work, but that’s it. We’re never going to be lovers again. I’m not even sure we can be friends.” Blair hauled all of his things down the stairs and put them back into the undersized bedroom. 

He slipped into bed and tried to keep his heart from hammering out of his chest. He cherished Jim so much and found himself wondering what he was going to do without him. It was going to be a nightmare.

Jim laid awake upstairs for a lengthy time. He wanted to go down and tell Blair that they could tell their friends, but Blair was right. He was a coward. Jim knew that as soon as they did, their friends would begin talking about what Jim and Blair did to each other. He finally fell to sleep, clutching Blair’s pillow and taking in his Guide’s scent.

Blair got up at the crack of dawn, showered and dressed for work. He was gone long before Jim even woke. 

@@@@@

Connor strolled into the bullpen and said, “Sandy, what are you doing here so early?”

“I had some things to do. Do you know anyone that’s looking for a roommate?”

“Sandy, I can’t believe you would leave Jim. What’s going on? You’re made for each other. You know he loves you. And I know you love him. You are not breaking up.” Connor was rubbing Blair’s shoulders as she spoke.

“He won’t come out. Won’t even discuss it. I’m sick of being his toy. You’re the only person I can talk to about this. He would die if he found out that you knew.” Blair looked so sad. 

“Sandy, give him some time and he’ll come around. I know he will.”

“You’re a very good friend, Connor. Thank you. I have to get to work now.”

“Me too. Wow, we’ll be done by the time everyone gets here.” Connor walked over to her desk and sat down. 

The next time Blair looked up it was three hours later and Jim was standing there.

“Chief, can we talk?”

“No. Not at work. You can talk to me at the loft.” Blair continued his work. 

“You’re not going to talk to me at work again?”

“Not unless its work related. There is a pile of files on your desk. Please update them.” Blair ordered and went back to work. 

Simon walked by and said, “Ellison and Sandburg, don’t forget about Poker at my house tonight. Starts at 7:00.

“Fine, sir.” Jim said quietly. 

“I can’t make it, Simon.”

“Why not Sandburg? I asked you yesterday and you said you were coming.” Simon looked hurt. 

“Fine, I’ll cancel my date.” Blair ignored the look of hurt on Jim’s face and commenced his work once again. 

As soon as Simon was out of earshot, Jim asked, “What was that about, Chief?”

“I told you we were through. I don’t wish to discuss it any longer.” Blair walked into the break room. 

The day went fairly fast with two cases and a lot of paperwork. When Jim arrived home Blair was there getting ready for Poker night. 

“Chief, are we still friends?” Asked a heartbroken Sentinel? 

“We’ll have to wait and see. Right now I don’t care for you very much. But maybe in a few weeks things will look up.” Blair put dinner on the table and Jim took this as a good sign. He was still feeding him. 

“So are you going to Simon’s for sure?”

“Yeah. I did tell him I would. Don’t push me while we are there. I mean it, I’ll leave.”

“I promise, Chief.”

“You’re going to be late if you don’t get ready to go.” Blair started the dishes and Jim joined in on helping him. 

“Are we going to go together?”

“No. That won’t happen anymore.” Blair finished washing the dishes and dried his hands. “I’m leaving now. I’ll see you later on tonight.”

Jim watched him leave, wondering why he always fucked up his life. Sighing loudly he went into the bathroom and took a fast shower. He reached down and began to fist his cock thinking about his lover. He could actually smell Blair in the shower, making his cock harder. He thought about how much he loved playing with Blair’s nipples and those little sounds that his love would make. Then he was licking and sucking those little buds. He slowly moved down making Blair realize how much he meant to him every moment. Blair loved having his belly button licked, so of course Jim was doing it in his mind. Jim was getting closer and closer. Now he was in front of Blair’s cock and took him into his welcoming mouth. As he sucked Blair in his mind, he felt as if he was going to explode. Blair began making the noises that he does when he gets close. As soon as Jim heard those he erupted like a volcano. Jim leaned against the tile until he could breathe properly. _Ellison, you are so fucked._

When Jim arrived at Simon’s he was the next to the last one there. “Where’s Samson?”

“Didn’t you hear?” Simon asked. 

“Something happened to him?” Jim asked worriedly. 

“He came out at the station today. No one’s really having too much to do with him.” Simon explained. 

“You’re kidding? I can’t believe that anyone would stop talking to someone because they’re gay. Especially Samson. He’s one of the nicest guys you could hope to meet.” Jim was incensed. 

Rafe stared at Jim and said, “Jim, he took showers with us. Don’t even try and tell me that doesn’t bother you.”

“You’re an idiot, Rafe. First of all I’ve seen your equipment and he wouldn’t have been longing for you anyhow. Because you don’t have the longing part.” Jim growled. 

Simon said, “Okay, let’s drop it. We’re here to play cards.”

They all sat down and Simon began to deal. Rafe looked over at Sandburg and asked, “So how do you feel about this Sandburg?”

“I agree with Jim. Yours isn’t long enough for him to want it.” Blair teased. 

“Fuck you, Sandburg.”

“I like them bigger,” Blair replied. 

Simon shouted. “Shut up both of you. Rafe, he’s just teasing. Blair’s not a fag.”

Blair looked over at Jim and saw Jim’s walls come up. “Actually I am.”

“What?” Joel asked. 

“I’m a fag. I prefer to call myself gay or bi.”

“Ellison, why didn’t you tell us?” Simon snarled. 

“There was nothing to tell. It’s no one’s business,” Jim answered. 

“I can’t believe we’re being over-run by fags,” Rafe complained. 

“Rafe, it’s not that big of a deal,” Joel added. 

“Well we showered with him and that just fucking bothers me,” Rafe griped. 

“I’m going to leave now. I don’t care if anyone talks to me at the station or not. I thought you were my friends. I wanted to come out earlier and Jim told me you wouldn’t understand. Boy, was he right. Good night.” Blair took off out the front door.

Jim stood up to follow him and Simon grabbed his arm. “Jim, you need to give him some time. Besides, if you start following after him people will think you’re a fag.”

“Gay, Simon. Since when do all of you call gay people, fags? I’m totally disgusted.” Jim stood up to leave. 

Joel quickly said, “Jim, sit down. I never call them fags. I’ve always said gay.”

Jim sat back down to listen to them. 

“So have I, Jim,” Brown piped up. 

Connor stared at Jim and said, “Blair’s the bravest man I know. Do you know how hard it was for him to say that? I just want you to know if anyone is mean to him at the station, I’m going to kick ass and take names.”

Jim could tell by the way she was looking at him, she knew about the two of them. He smiled at her to let her know that he would work on this. 

“Jim and Connor, I would never ever treat him badly,” Joel said unhappily. 

“Joel, I know that you and Henry would never hurt Blair in any way. But Simon and Rafe will. So I’m warning you now, I won’t let him be hurt,” Jim said. 

“Just a minute. I call all gay people fags. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just a word,” Simon said. 

“So, if someone started calling you the N word, that would be all right? Because it would just be a word, right?”

“That’s not even close to being a fair comparison. First of all, we don’t choose our color, but he did choose his sexual lifestyle and I don’t have to agree with it, Jim.”

“You’re right. I’m just telling you, if he gets hurt at work, I’m coming for you.”

Rafe stood up and hollered, “Don’t threaten Simon. How dare you? Just because he’s your roommate doesn’t mean you have to think he’s always right. I kid you not Ellison this is going to spread and no one will treat him well.”

“Oh my god, I just thought of something. Was it Tommy Samson that was dating Sandburg?” Simon asked. 

Jim snarled again, “No it wasn’t Samson.”

Connor smiled and said, “They would make a nice looking couple. Tommy’s blond hair would go lovely with Sandy’s brown.”

“Shut up, Connor,” Jim snapped. 

Joel glared at Jim and said, “She doesn’t have to shut up. They would make a nice looking couple. And both of them are very sweet.”

“Joel, do you hear yourself? You’re sounding like a fag,” Simon shouted. 

Brown asked, “Didn’t Sandburg say he isn’t with the guy any longer?”

“Yeah. The jerk didn’t want to come out. I can’t imagine not wanting to coming out with Sandy,” Connor said. 

Jim listened to all of his friends go back and forth and knew before the night was out; he would have to come out himself. He dreaded this, but it had to be done. Jim was going to have to stand up and take it like a man. A gay man, but still a man. 

Jim picked up his cell phone and dialed the loft. _Sandburg._

“Hey Chief. How are you?”

_I’m fine. Now I’d like to get ready for bed._

“Will you wait upstairs for me?”

_Is everyone watching and listening to you?_

“Yup. Simon doesn’t look too thrilled, and poor Rafe is trying to figure out why I was looking at his wiener. I love you so much, Chief.”

_I love you too._

“So I’ll be home in just a few minutes.”

_I can’t wait. I love you Jim._

Jim closed his cell and looked around as he stood up. “Okay, here is the deal. You hate us or you like us. It doesn’t matter to me. Okay, yes it does matter to me. I just want you to all know that we’ve been together for about nine months and no one disliked us that whole time.”

Connor stood and gave him a hug. “Congratulations. Go home and make him happy.”

Joel and Brown got up and shook his hand and said the same thing. 

Simon and Rafe stayed seated. This made Jim sad, but it was to be expected. Not everyone would accept them or like them. 

@@@@@

Jim left and drove slowly back to the loft. He wanted to think a little. It was then that he realized that Blair had been very silent in the last few weeks. He must have been doing a lot of thinking himself. 

Jim pulled into the parking lot and hauled ass to get to the elevator. This was his second chance with love and he didn’t want to fuck this one up. 

As he got closer to the third floor he heard the love song coming from the loft. It was their song. Blair would no doubt be naked and waiting for him. Thank God. 

Once inside the loft, he threw everything down, locked the door and ran up the stairs to his naked Guide. As he undressed he didn’t once take his eyes off of Blair and that beautiful body. 

“I’m waiting. Get a move on,” Blair teased. 

“I love you.”

“And I love you. Now show me how much you love me, Jim.”

And that’s just what they did. Both men knew that they would have to take Simon and Rafe one day at a time. It would work out. They both knew this to be true.

End: Dishonor


End file.
